11 Golden Rules

Photo: Atul Pandey

11 golden rules based on things I have worked hard to learn (and unlearn), and do my very, very best to practice.

1. Do not talk about people who aren't in the room.

2. Do not share stories or news that aren't yours to share unless you have explicit permission to do so.

3. Do not make assumptions based on partial information. Ask questions instead, or just mind your own business.

4. If you have an idea or suggestion for someone, ask if they want to hear it before sharing.

5. Do not beat yourself up if you say something "wrong." Apologize, be accountable, and then do better. Related: Do not keep going over and over what you did or said in the past.

6. Do not try to do everything by yourself. Ask for help without apology. You are not a machine, and you don't have to be a martyr, either.

7. Look at the empirical evidence of what's working (or not). Let this inform your actions.

8. Truly let everything count. Meaning - one of the most common places of getting stuck is overwhelm. Breaking things down into small increments can make a world of difference. Lists are good for this. (A good coach is also good for this.)

9. Be honest. About the big things, about the small things, about the things in between. About the hard things, the shameful things, the scary things, the tender things. Start with yourself and go outward from there. This is arguably the foundation of everything and a few sentences don't even start to do it justice.

10. Follow through on your commitments. Do not say "yes" to something you know will lead to you feeling resentful later. And trust your instincts.

11. Stop striving to "get it right." This is a form of perfectionism that will keep you in a constant state of striving and perceived falling short. Life is always changing and unfolding, as are we.