Help Thanks Wow (after Anne Lamott)

1. Help

I have prayed and prayed and prayed.

Cried in the car. Walked on trails. Laid on my back in the water looking at the sky. Or wide awake in bed at
night, a river of sweat pooling at my sternum.

I have said, help me. I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is right, what is next.

I have sought out signs and no doubt imagined their absence or arrival. I have called friends and I have withdrawn from friends. I have held it all in. I have let it all out.

2. Thanks

for the times when ease sets in out of nowhere
for the moments of grace
for the good moods
for the bad moods
for the storms
for the calm
for the scariest thing so that you could know you would survive the scariest thing
for the twists of fate
for the love of fate
for the things that are
and the things that were
and the ones that might yet be
for the artists and the art
the dancers and the dances
the trees and the breeze and the buds
and especially oh thanks for the spring
it's coming, it's coming

3. Wow

Oh, wow, we joked, could be my epigraph
the words I said more often than any other words
Oh wow, this is hard
Oh wow, that's intense
Oh wow, yeah
Oh wow, that's terrible
Oh wow, that's beautiful
Oh wow, I had no idea
Oh wow, I'm so sorry
Oh wow, how exciting
Oh wow, yum
Oh wow, ouch
Oh wow, could you not
Oh wow, look
Oh wow, listen
Oh wow, the light
Oh wow, love