We Don't Talk About...
I can't stop thinking about Encanto, which I finally watched for the first time last night. I related to aspects of every single character in the Madrigal family. I'm currently reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems, and I am also working with a new therapist who is trained in this modality.
The film so brilliantly shows how our parts get relegated to roles they didn't necessarily choose for themselves, roles that define, confine, or exile them from the Self altogether. I saw Maribel as the healer, at first perceived as selfish and only later appreciated for her courage and devotion to the whole.
At services on Saturday, our rabbi talked about the moment when Moses breaks the first set of tablets God had given him that contained God's writings. He (Moses) shattered them in a moment of anger, when he saw that the people had basically grown impatient and given up on him, deciding to make a golden calf to worship instead. It was only later, after Moses had returned to God to tell God what had happened, that God created two new tablets, the one and only Ten Commandments, for Moses to take back to the people. (More on this story here.)
Sometimes a thing -- call it a spell, a belief, or something more literal, like a relationship -- has to break (or be broken) before something more complete and whole can come into being.
Encanto and this biblical story alike show us that anger, truth-seeking, and defiance are all complicated messengers with their own gifts to bear, but the people - the Self -- must endure the cracking open first.
Holding things together can come at a very, very high cost.
Who do we cast out? Who do we turn to to be strong? Who do we expect to create only one kind of beauty? Who do we look at and shake our heads, thinking, oh sad, how that one lost their way? What parts of us give up on waiting for something holy and melt down the gold instead?
The moment of receiving their "gift" was a celebration, yes. But it was also a kind of curse. The real freedom comes in seeing that even the parts have parts, and in being allowed to reveal more of themselves, everyone can relax and feel seen and known for who they really are. That is when joy really enters the equation.
Questions
What needs to break?
What truths need to be exposed?
Who needs to be called back in?
What new constellation of being might emerge?
Writing Prompt
Write the words, "We don't talk about..." at the top of a piece of paper.
Set a timer for 10 minutes, write without stopping.
If you get stuck, come back to those four words and begin again.
The title of this post references a song from the movie. Have a listen.