Some Words of Encouragement for Regular People

I was jogging when the phone rang. I glanced at it and saw it was my mother. I let it go to voice mail and then called her back. "I only ran a mile," I told her as I chugged up the hill towards home, "then walked the rest."

"How about cutting yourself some slack?" she suggested. "You got yourself out there!"

What can I say? I come by it honestly!

It's a rare day when I don't have some kind of exchange with a person about their writing that follows a similar trope. We seem to nearly universally underestimate our awesomeness, focusing instead of what we didn't accomplish and didn't produce. And I am usually the one saying, "Wait a hot minute. You wrote for 10 minutes? High fives!"

Needless to say, when someone catches me in the act of diminishing my actions, holding them up against some ever-moving target, I appreciate it.

Today I walked to work. My office is half a mile from our apartment. I met with a new client, listening to her story, feeling the privilege of bearing witness, discussing the purpose of writing memoir, sharing ideas for next steps. I did 17 minutes of yoga on the wood floor before walking home to make some lunch and get a quick glimpse of Pearl before he left for climbing practice. And then I decided to get myself out for a run, before the rains come for the rest of the week. And after one mile, I was just not feeling it.

Now, there are times when you need to push on through. If you're three minutes into a freewrite and you run out of things to say, I am going to suggest you keep that cursor moving or your hand across the paper, because you will be surprised by what may come if you keep going. We are often capable of so much more than we think.

But capability isn't what I'm thinking about here. Self-talk is.

I remember a long time ago, maybe a dozen years, I was telling a friend that I had eaten a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's alone. More than once. That week. And I was feeling shitty about it. She made a most excellent suggestion, one that has stayed with me to this day. There was no judgement or shaming involved. She simply offered that next time I ate a whole pint, I do it on purpose rather than unconsciously. And even if I didn't, even if I continued to eat entire pints of ice cream alone, one mindless spoonful after another, beating myself up about it was certainly not going to help matters.

In a similar vein, beating yourself up for "only" writing for three minutes accomplishes exactly nothing. Actually, that might not be true. It might accomplish something counter-productive and soul-damaging. The belief that we should be further along -- be it with exercise, writing, creativity, money, you name it -- is so insipid and culturally rooted. After all, the world screams "not enough" from every direction, usually with a price tag attached.

It's sick really.

Is it enough that I met with one client today? Yes. That I walked a mile and ran a mile? Yes. That I got to see the light brightening the last of the fall color, in these days before the remaining leaves will come down in the wind and rain, with November as their usher? Yes.

To meet ourselves as we are, where we are, with radical compassion, patience, and kindness is a steep practice. It might sound airy-fairy, but let me be clear: I am not talking love-and-light, just turn your frown around, glass-half-full here. I'm talking, give yourself some credit. Period. If you find yourself measuring your abilities or "output" against someone else's, notice this and bring it back to appreciating yourself, fully, not despite a thing.

What if you let go of the pressure to produce and focused more on what feels good? What if a little could go a long way, and you granted yourself some acknowledgement for doing your damn best?

You are not a machine. You are not a rock star with an entourage doing your laundry, cooking your meals, managing your affairs, and personalizing your wardrobe. You are a regular person who deserves to feel proud of your regular existence.

Imagine that. And from that place, if you want to see what more you're capable of, have at it! Go the extra mile. I will celebrate you, either way.