Suggestions for Making Your Dreams Come True
In two previous chapters of my life, I worked as a career counselor with undergrads, grad students, and alumni, first at the University of Vermont and later at Hampshire College. I loved this role.
Now, with a daughter who is a senior in college and a son who will be a high school senior next year, I got to revisiting things I used to share with students in our sessions, as well as some of what I’ve learned myself over the course of a non-linear life and career.
It goes without saying that some of these will resonate with you, while others won’t at all. In addition, pursuing our dreams is something everyone deserves – but inequitable access, resources, and opportunities mean we are still a very, very long way from this being a reality. (More on this at the end.)
With that, read on, and please do share in the comments which of these speak to you and what suggestions you would add, for readers of any age.
1. Appreciate what you already have and who you already are.
2. One thing leads to another. Keep going. Each step leads to the next step. You cannot do the thing that is five steps ahead of you without the four in between, so focus on where you are right now in addition to where you’re headed.
3. "Little by little, then all of a sudden." It may often feel like not much is happening. This is often when the most is happening. (Think about winter!)
4. Stay focused but not at the expense of being flexible. Dreams coming true doesn't always look like what you expected. There will be surprises.
5. “…anything or anyone/that does not bring you alive/is too small for you.” – David Whyte, from Sweet Darkness
6. Do not believe everything you think. Thoughts are literally just neurons wiring and firing – the more often they do this, the stronger they become. Notice, interrupt, and redirect unwanted thoughts in any way possible.
7. Make lists of dreams that have already come true, things you love about yourself, and things you're really good at.
8. Practice saying kind and encouraging things to yourself on a regular basis until it feels like second nature – or even if it never does. Do it anyway.
9. Perfection is everywhere already. Just look out the window or in the mirror.
10. "There are places you haven't been where you already belong." Trust that these places await you – and people, too.
11. Remember your agency. We make a thousand small choices every day, all day long. These add up.
12. If/when you experience envy, get curious about it and turn it into inspiration.
13. Practice freudenfreude – being happy for other people's happiness.
14. Find the beauty in and around you every day.
15. Be generous.
16. Laughter really is good for the soul. Laugh hard and often. Silliness is a salve.
17. Don't let anyone be cruel to you in the name of truth. Truth does not have to be brutal to be honest. Truth is ultimately a great kindness, to ourselves and others.
18. Healthy boundaries strengthen relationships.
19. You will not always know or understand where someone else is coming from. When this happens, sometimes it's best to step back. Don't assume it's about you. Everyone has things going on internally, in their relationships, their past, and in their lives that we never know about.
20. Always hold the door open for the next person.
21. Talk to all kinds of people.
22. Teachers come in all forms.
23. Expose yourself to lives and identities that are vastly different from yours, through books, podcasts, films, travel, conversations, classes, and relationships.
24. Write down your top 1-3 priorities where you will see them every day. (These will change over time!)
25. Write down your "why" for these and make sure it's rooted in your values. (This will also change over time!)
26. Align your day-to-day choices and actions with these priorities.
27. Humility is part of the journey. Some jobs and roles will not be ideal. These will become facets of your story.
28. Enjoy the little things. Truly.
29. Discouragement happens. Pep talks help – it’s ok to ask for one.
30. Remember that everything is always changing – including you!
What would you add? Let’s grow this list collaboratively.
It’s crucial that any discussion of living one’s dreams includes the fact that “The American Dream” was designed for cishet white men. This group and others who belong to dominant groups tend to believe they are entitled to their dreams (and conversely, others are not and do not have a right to dream at all).
The unquestionable factor of privilege and the many isms that infiltrate every aspect of life in the United States make it impossible to talk about things like making dreams come true without acknowledging inequity and oppressive systems, and all of the ways these affect a person’s ability to pursue their dreams in their own way.
There’s a both/and here: I truly DO believe in making our dreams come true, and I also truly believe that we must simultaneously, continuously work to name and transform the toxic, inhumane, shitty norms that make this easier for some people than others.
My intention here is to champion the dreaming, not to ignore the barriers.